freak-out post: you've been warned

Let me start by saying that rationally, I have nothing to be upset about. The mess of a story I'm about to tell you is probably coincidence because no one remembers every word that I utter, whether they should or not. And lastly, please don't judge me for being irrational.

Many years ago, sometime when I was in high school and read "The Notebook," I fell in love with the name Noah. For me, it wasn't the biblical connotation because at the time I didn't really know much about the Bible (though the fact that the name is biblical has added to my love of it). The character in that book (as you may have guessed, he was named Noah) was just so passionate and dedicated and loving and romantic, that I cataloged that name for my future son. And just over two years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was CERTAIN I was having a boy. So I lovingly explained to my husband that the child in my womb would be named Noah and he could pick the middle name. (Thankfully he's a good sport most of the time and allows me to think I'm always winning.) I must have told every person on this planet that when I have a son, I'm naming him Noah. Since I am not actually in charge, which I've come to terms with, God did not give me a son, but my incredible daughter instead. So, the name Noah was put back on the shelf to wait for it's recipient at an undisclosed later date.

Fast forward to this morning.... my husband's cousin and wife are expecting their first child two months before we are expecting our second. They had the excitement of finding out the sex of their child today, which as you may have guessed is a boy. I'm very happy for them. They are obviously excited as well. And when I asked if they had any names in mind, I received a message that said they were naming him Noah William. Let me add that the middle name Gary had chosen for our own son one day, was his middle name, ALSO WILLIAM. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. So, if (and I know there's a 50% chance here that I'm wrong) I am carrying a boy this time, both families will be having boys with the EXACT SAME NAME (because we all have the same last name) that are two months apart. This isn't some friend who may drift in and out of my life, this is family and all three names being identical is insane! I am upset and cannot keep obsessing about this. I rationally believe that they do not remember (or may have never known, which I find hard to believe with how big my mouth is) that I had chosen this name for our son... whenever he decides to make an appearance. BUT I can't help myself, this really bothers me. Do I keep "my" name and just deal with having to defend it to our family forever or do I find another name that I love? I'm not sure if that's even possible! I've loved this name longer than I've loved my husband!

And of course, the most obvious comment that my husband repeated OVER AND OVER tonight: You don't even know if we're having a boy or a girl! Yes, I realize that but everything is still fresh and I can't just let it go. This will eat away at my mind for two months... These are the times that I wish I wasn't so passionate and stubborn about things. I'll just pray that God will soften my heart about this whole situation and I'll probably add a few extra prayers for a girl, even though I know the sex is already set in stone....