Friday, March 23, 2012

Bad Mother Award

No one likes to talk about the ways we feel inadequate as parents. No one likes to admit their selfish tendencies (and we all have them on varying levels). No one wants to feel anger, frustration, depression with/because of their kids. But the truth is these are very real elements to parenting too. Everyone's children and experiences are different but I feel like people don't like to be real about the bad as much as they are about the good. And for me, it is hard to be so real because we live in a world that is so obsessed with judging others. I, too, am guilty of this, but that's for a different post. I want to talk about my struggles and be very real with you all. My Lucy makes me crazy nearly as often as she brightens my day. And I attribute part of that to her age (2.5) but mostly, since I'm being honest, it's because I'm fairly selfish. She wants my attention at all times. She wants me to teach her about every thing in sight. She wants to help me with her little sister. She wants to do most everything for herself no matter how long it takes. Or she refuses to do the simplest tasks that are no longer fun. I could go on and on but I feel confident you get the point. But it becomes obvious to be that the real problem here is not her, it is most definitely me. Why is it so hard for me to remember that I signed up for this? And that I want to do it again and again and again and maybe again. I constantly feel guilty for this truth, so your judgement is not needed or appreciated. I want more than anything to love all of my moments with my kids but I continue to mix up my priorities and rush through life and wonder when will I ever get it together. So there's my struggle. Maybe, just maybe, some of you are going to be honest with yourselves and others now because I opened the ugly door of truth. Since not all of us are the same, I bet your struggles are different. So what afflicts you?

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