an amendment to my last post

I've decided that I don't care if there will be two Noah William Langes. Both she and I have as much right to use these names as anyone else and though the middle name is not nearly as important to me as the first (and obviously the last), I'll go with my husband's lead about the middle name as well. I e-mailed her last night to tell her that essentially and added that I hoped she understood and that hopefully she wasn't upset. I received a one-liner back but I'm not worrying about it anymore. Let's see what happens in two months and then I'll ponder the whole situation again. After all, we can name our child whatever we'd like. :)

freak-out post: you've been warned

Let me start by saying that rationally, I have nothing to be upset about. The mess of a story I'm about to tell you is probably coincidence because no one remembers every word that I utter, whether they should or not. And lastly, please don't judge me for being irrational.

Many years ago, sometime when I was in high school and read "The Notebook," I fell in love with the name Noah. For me, it wasn't the biblical connotation because at the time I didn't really know much about the Bible (though the fact that the name is biblical has added to my love of it). The character in that book (as you may have guessed, he was named Noah) was just so passionate and dedicated and loving and romantic, that I cataloged that name for my future son. And just over two years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was CERTAIN I was having a boy. So I lovingly explained to my husband that the child in my womb would be named Noah and he could pick the middle name. (Thankfully he's a good sport most of the time and allows me to think I'm always winning.) I must have told every person on this planet that when I have a son, I'm naming him Noah. Since I am not actually in charge, which I've come to terms with, God did not give me a son, but my incredible daughter instead. So, the name Noah was put back on the shelf to wait for it's recipient at an undisclosed later date.

Fast forward to this morning.... my husband's cousin and wife are expecting their first child two months before we are expecting our second. They had the excitement of finding out the sex of their child today, which as you may have guessed is a boy. I'm very happy for them. They are obviously excited as well. And when I asked if they had any names in mind, I received a message that said they were naming him Noah William. Let me add that the middle name Gary had chosen for our own son one day, was his middle name, ALSO WILLIAM. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. So, if (and I know there's a 50% chance here that I'm wrong) I am carrying a boy this time, both families will be having boys with the EXACT SAME NAME (because we all have the same last name) that are two months apart. This isn't some friend who may drift in and out of my life, this is family and all three names being identical is insane! I am upset and cannot keep obsessing about this. I rationally believe that they do not remember (or may have never known, which I find hard to believe with how big my mouth is) that I had chosen this name for our son... whenever he decides to make an appearance. BUT I can't help myself, this really bothers me. Do I keep "my" name and just deal with having to defend it to our family forever or do I find another name that I love? I'm not sure if that's even possible! I've loved this name longer than I've loved my husband!

And of course, the most obvious comment that my husband repeated OVER AND OVER tonight: You don't even know if we're having a boy or a girl! Yes, I realize that but everything is still fresh and I can't just let it go. This will eat away at my mind for two months... These are the times that I wish I wasn't so passionate and stubborn about things. I'll just pray that God will soften my heart about this whole situation and I'll probably add a few extra prayers for a girl, even though I know the sex is already set in stone....

scatter-brain

I know that when I'm pregnant, I'm clumsy and forgetful and scatter-brained but this does not bode well for my streak of straight A's. Two weeks ago, my geography prof posted our scores for an assignment and I had a zero. I wig out, look at the dropbox and see that I NEVER TURNED IN THE ASSIGNMENT THAT WAS SITTING ON MY DESKTOP FOR 3 WEEKS! Seriously?! It's just one assignment and it's one that mattered very little in my overall score but the point is I did an assignment and then forgot to turn it in. And this morning I log-in to my classes and find that I have a million things due on Friday and I had just sort of forgotten about them. I am the model student normally... the geek that gets the assignment done within a couple of days of it being assigned, not the one that procrastinates until the last minute. I am excited to be having another child, but I'm going to need to get through this semester without screwing up again, or I'm going to have an emotional breakdown. Is is summer yet?

spring has sprung

The weather has been so wonderful for nearly two weeks now and I'm in awe of it all. I love Spring, almost as much as I like Autumn. And the only reason Autumn wins, is college football season. :) I digress... A couple of weeks ago, I began waking up with my normal seasonal allergy nose and throat funk, so I returned to my trusty Zyrtec and have since been allowed to return to the beautiful outdoors. Lucy loves being outside. She hates the sunscreen (already) and won't wear a hat, but we're lucky because she's not as fair-skinned as me, and she's already getting brown. (Don't worry, I am still fighting her and putting on the sunscreen, it's just her natural tendency to get a tan!) She loves being outside so much that we've been at a park or wandering our own pathetic yard everyday, playing soccer or simply exploring. She's at such a fun age. She's learning new words everyday and gets SO excited about every noise or discovery. I mentioned our pathetic yard... We have big plans to level is off a bit more in the back and buy her an awesome swing-set/play-ground for her birthday. I am just so glad that she is enjoying the weather now when it's mild yet warm. I just hope we (ok, I) can keep up when it starts getting into the 90s/100s again. Being pregnant during the summer is hard, but at least this time I won't be full term in the South at the end of July!

pregnancy update - the real 8 weeks

Pregnancy: 8 weeks, 5 days

Weight Gain: -2lbs - since I was overweight for my last pregnancy and this one, I'm hoping not to gain too much... maybe 15-25lbs. I did it with Lucy (only gained 14lbs), so surely I can do it again!

Sleep: I have still been waking up insanely early, but not everyday. There are days that I don't get a nap in and if that happens, I usually sleep a little later the next morning. Otherwise, no tummy sleeping anymore. :( And my Snoogle pillow is more in the way at this point than helpful. So with my standard pillow, I'm sleeping pretty good. And I think I'm snoring again this time around. How crazy is that?!

Gender: good question! Any early predictions? (yeah, I know, same as last week!) Maybe we can find out in May...

Names: I think I've been repeating myself and being annoying with the whole name idea, so I've left Gary alone about that line of conversation. We still have time. :)

Feeling: exhausted... still.... but otherwise, just too busy with my ridiculous demands on myself to feel much else. I know, BAD MOMMY!

Health: I feel very good. A little freaked out that I already have a baby bump that I can't hide, but otherwise I am feeling healthy and excited. Regardless of the gallons of water I'm drinking and the skin treatment I've tried, I still look like a teenager, but oh well!

Movement: I swear I've felt this baby, but rationally, I know it's too early. My doctor kindly mentioned that maybe it was just gas. "HA! Thanks!"

Belly Button: normal

Cravings: none this week... but the power of suggestion is pretty intense

Next Appointment: April 13th

a nerd the night before the first day of school

Tomorrow is my first OB appointment with my new doctor and with regard to our new little babe. As the title implies, I can't sleep regardless of my exhaustion. And I can't sleep because I'm more excited than a nerd the night before the first day of school. :) Ok, ok, I was the nerd too. But that doesn't matter. Of course, I'm excited and interested to know just a little more about our little bean. But to be completely honest, I have a hunch that something wonderful and crazy and unexpected in going to happen at my appointment. My mind has been racing for weeks... Am I carrying twins? Am I further along that I thought? Am I carrying a prodigy? Who knows?! But at least a few questions should be answered tomorrow. I'm excited to see this new doctor and to be completely honest, it's mostly because he does an ultrasound at every appointment. Just say a little prayer for me that all our news is good and we have a healthy little babe. I'll post something more of interest soon... assuming I ever stop feeling so exhausted that I fall asleep at 9pm (hence my 1st real post after that time).

pregnancy update- the first of many

Pregnancy: not exactly sure - my cycles have been very odd the past few months, so I'm not certain about that until my OB appointment next week

Weight Gain: I weighed myself today for the first time, so this isn't applicable just yet (and I'm not brave enough to tell you how much I actually weigh, just how much I gain :D)

Sleep: I have this crazy pregnancy thing that makes me an extreme morning person. I literally wake up BY 5am every day. However, I'm still in my 1st trimester, so I'm always tired and usually snag a nap at least a few days a week. I have been waking up a lot at night for the last few weeks, but easily fall back to sleep. 

Gender: good question! Any early predictions?

Names: I have a huge on-going list. I think I've been adding and taking away names regularly since I was pregnant with Lucy. Thankfully, I decided on her name the day I found out we were having a girl, so maybe it won't be so hard once we have that info.

Feeling: as I mentioned, kinda whiny/emotional... hope this passes soon

Health: Luckily, there's no morning sickness, but I have discovered that if my stomach gets empty, I don't feel so well. Also, my skin is taking a hit this time around and I feel like a teenager with acne. I'm hoping this disappears soon but I'll live it doesn't.

Movement: not yet

Belly Button: normal

Cravings: Spinach Alfredo Pizza (last night was my first real craving)

Next Appointment: March 16th

why must being pregnant turn me into a baby?

I wouldn't say that I'm an emotional person, typically. Yes, I am a girl who has a good cry, but rarely. And yes, I care about people and what's going on in their lives, but very few people can truly hurt my feelings or bring me to tears. Until now.... Being pregnant turns me into a baby. Sometimes a commercial brings on the waterworks. Other times it's something that really matters, like the passing thought of Nana Graves. Either way, I'm not exactly a fan of this factor in my pregnancy. The problem for me is moreso that I don't like being so easily hurt. I'm taking way too much personally and I just feel like whining about it when something has been done to hurt me. I'm really kind of annoying... I wouldn't want to hear me and I doubt very much that my husband does either. Thankfully, he is dealing with it all very well... I, however, am not. I'm kind of mad at myself, which I also realize makes no sense. Thanks for letting me vent.

Lucy says good morning to all of you and she has an announcement:

Yah! I'm so glad our little family is growing. I really don't care if I have a boy or a girl because I plan to have so many kids that SURELY I'll have at least one of both. :) We're due in October and I'll have more info/updates after our first doctor's appointment on March 16th.

our deal

I'm not sure if the deal Gary and I made was sometime during our engagement or quickly after our marriage.... regardless, I am thankful we made it. I made him promise me that I could die first. I know that sounds a little morbid and that normally God doesn't exactly give you a choice, but I'm hoping that He'll let us have a say in this situation. I really do rely on God but He made my husband just for me and He has to know that I would fall apart if Gary was taken from me. Because of the recent events, I wonder if Nana and Grandpa Graves made the same sort of vow. You see, Grandpa has been sick with Alzheimer's for many years and Nana only became sick within the last year. So the fact that she passed away first and that he so quickly followed makes me believe this is the case. What a testament to true love! What a gracious and loving thing for God to allow for these two souls! Of course I wish neither of them had been sick, but I'm not in charge and I don't know the reasons they were. It doesn't matter and I won't be trying to figure that one out but I will keep holding on to hope that Gary and I will have a long and happy marriage, full of kids and grandkids and great-grandkids, and that I'll get to go first.

EDIT: As an attachment, I thought you should all check out one of their daughter's blogs and the letter from Grandpa to Nana 48 years ago. Love Eternal