Wednesday, September 29, 2010

the one where i let it all hang out

This will not be brand new information to anyone that knows me even slightly, but since many of you do not, I'm letting it all hang out right now. I am an angry person. And I have daddy issues. And besides him being a source of my anger, I am even more angry with him for winning this war. I constantly carry around these war stories and play them in my head. But here's the thing, actually two things: I cannot control him or how he treats me or how he takes care of himself and really, in the grand scheme of things, he isn't nearly as awful as he could have been. I mean look at me, he did something right! I am his only child, and by God, I am a success! Yes, I probably arrived in this place because I was determined not to be him but he also wanted me to be nothing like him. So, here are my newest revelations: I've decided never to forget, because that is truly impossible, and I've decided to accept him, set boundaries, and move on with my life. Of course, this means that now I have to deal with my unintentional mean streak and my own personal anger issues, but one thing at a time! Go me for finally seeing these things a little more clearly. I understand how this would seem so simple and obvious to so many people, but it was hard for me to arrive here. And I don't care that it took me this long, I'm just happy that I've gotten here.

Much love and many blessing,


Holly said...

I learned something tonight in class that might be of some use to you. I won't present it to you as if you're a client, but just as food for thought. There is a counseling theory that says people choose their responses. In other words, when you express anger, you are choosing to be angry as a response to a stimulus (i.e., thinking of your father). If that's true, you cold also choose not to be angry.

Something that may be useful is to consciously take two breaths before responding emotionally, because emotional responses aren't usually good ones.

Yes, I'm going to school to learn how to state the obvious. And I can say things like this to you over the internet because I'm a student and NOT a professional. :D

Mama Hauck said...

Good little tid-bit, Holly. I'm going to try the "two breaths" thing because I definitely respond emotionally to things.

Thinking of you, Mama! And way to go! It's not as easy as one would lead you to believe to come to terms with and control emotions.

<3 Becca

Oklahoma Girl said...

I used to live in that world. So glad you are moving away from the source of your anger & your anger. Anger is a such a self-destructive emotion. I think you would like my post "And the Winner Is". Have a beautifully blessed day. Good luck on your Journey.

~~blessed be...

Busy Working Mama said...

We all need a little clarity sometimes. I'm glad you have found some in your life!

Happy weekend!

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