Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A lot of people deal with varying degrees of OCD. When I was younger, particularly regarding the matter of school, I was plagued with my OCD. As I got older and gained my freedom from my parents and from school, I stopped taking my meds and really didn't feel too bad. Overall, I definitely couldn't say I was miraculously cured, I would say that the main problem for me was no longer in my life and therefore, I was a much more functional version of my self. When I am in school, I obsess and fret over EVERYTHING to the nth degree. I used to write a paper three or four times because I was never satisfied. And I worried constantly that my instructors would fail me. I never even got Cs, but I was absolutely terrified that I would fail. Logically, I understand that this makes no sense, but literally, I was insane. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, I'm going back to school. I decided to allow myself the luxury of a degree and hoped that maybe my life would not be taken over and ruined again by my education. However, I'm starting to think that I'll never be able to accomplish that. I applied very late for the community college in town that I've already taken several classes with previously. My application is late but because I'm an established student and left in good academic standing, I was told that I should be able to sign up for classes online by Wednesday morning. Since that phone conversation on Monday morning, I've been obsessively looking at my account. I literally cannot stop myself and I keep looking at the status of the classes I plan to sign up for, as well as some back up classes in the event that those fill up. My readmission has yet to be processed and the classes are fluctuating so frequently that I'm having a near anxiety attack. I don't know why. I can't control myself and I am freaking out. I want so badly for things to work out. I want to log in when I'm finished writing this post and see that I CAN take classes, but I'm losing hope. I know they said by Wednesday morning, but I am not patient and I am ready to buy my books and begin classes. WHY AM I SO OCD?