Sunday, July 3, 2011
I've decided that I may be too selfish to have six children. I'm not selfish with possessions, I feel that I'm capable of giving nearly everything, except enough time. It seems weird to acknowledge, but I was fine giving all of my time to Lucy when she was a baby. I just don't know how I'm ever supposed to keep myself sane if my only time without her is from 9pm-7am. And if I have six children, I'm concerned that I will never have any time again. To be fair, I think I'm having a little breakdown because I'm pregnant and spent 11 hours traveling home from vacation yesterday, in which Lucy seemed EXTRA needy/whiny/cranky/mean.... I guess I'll see how I function with Lucy and Audrey before I continue to meltdown. I've always been one to look too far into the future and allow myself to wig out about the unknown... definitely one of my downfalls. But I also wanted to acknowledge that I'm starting to panic about how little Gary is here because of work and my confidence is shaken after the last week with Lucy. Time to regroup and do some deep breathing!