my baby made my heart melt

Happy Valentine's Day friends! Today was beautiful here in Chattanooga and we took advantage of it. My friend Laura and I took our girls to the TN Aquarium (Lucy's first trip) and then had lunch. The kiddos were so stinkin cute with all their pink and they loved the trip. I finally put Lucy's hair into pigtails again (since the last attempt a month or two ago was pretty sad) and they completed her cuteness. It is always so much fun when I get to hang out with the women from my mommy group. We all mesh so well, our children all adore each other, and a good time is had by all. And in keeping with the festivities of Valentine's Day, my darling girl told me she loved me today... for the very first time. I love her so much and she melts my heart. It was so clear and sweet when she said it. Of course, I spent a large chunk of the rest of the day trying to inspire her to utter the words again, but to no avail. I don't care! She said it once, and that's good enough for me.

guilty until proven innocent

I hate when people lie to me. And I hate when I make plans with people and they cancel regularly. I always used to think that it meant that a) I wasn't a priority in their life or b) they were lying. Now in my defense, I said people that REGULARLY canceled on me. I know that life happens sometimes but I never really understood until I had a child. Now I feel like the flake. And now I see how wrongly I judged those others. Well, in all fairness, I probably misjudged about half of them. This year (yes I know, we're only forty days in), we have had an array of crazy and unlikely things take place... which forced me to cancel various playdates, lunches, and dinners. The worst part is that I feel guilty. I feel bad for being quick to judge others and I feel bad for having to cancel on my friends. I hope they all understand (since most of them have children too). The pattern for this year thus far makes me want to not make any plans, so as not to disappoint others.

i can't hear you

"I can't hear you." This has been the over-used phrase of the day. Unfortunately, I have lost my voice. The illness I mentioned in my last post has remained mild for me. There has been no fever or sore throat. But last night after the Super Bowl, as I was getting ready for bed, I noticed that I was getting a little squeaky and that my voice was failing every few words. I rarely lose my voice. But I awoke this morning without it. Lucy thinks I'm playing with her and she replies in whispers most of the time. It's really pretty cute. But when she's about to do something I really don't want her to, the absence of a stern "NO" makes her think she can go right ahead. I also made the mistake of answering the phone a few times. Thankfully it was just hubby and he can say "I can't hear you."

a bunch of sicklings

Hopefully, this won't be too insulting to everyone, but to be honest, I'm not one to do something out of duty. Maybe because my relationship with my own family is lacking or maybe because I've always kind of done what I wanted to. Regardless, I think it's silly to do anything because someone else makes you feel like you should or even that you owe them. I can't help myself, I'm a fiercely independent person. However, this evening I dressed up my family and we met hubby's family to have pictures made. The reason the whole "duty" thing comes into play, is the fact that Lucy and I are sick. It's nothing too terrible, just that a faucet replaced our noses and we feel run down. And I HATE when people are sick and in public. It makes me want to spray them with Lysol and tell them to go home and keep the sick there. But we went, because it was important to my husband, to his mother, and to the rest of the family. And I have to brag about Lucy: no one could even tell she was sick. She was cooperative, happy, and playful. She made me look like a liar. But praise the Lord that it all worked out and we got some awesome photos. I'm happy that even though I went into this kicking and screaming (ok, mostly bitching and moaning), it turned out exceptionally better than I planned. And maybe I learned something about doing what others want me to, not just being Miss Independent.

hopefully the last of it

I hope that this is the last post I make about my frustrations with money, but I'm not making any promises. And for that matter, it just isn't likely. :)

When I met my wonderful husband, he had a nice little cushion of money. He'd been living at home most all of his 20 years (wow, I can't believe I knew him before he was legal, ha!). He never spent a penny, not because he was a tightwad, but because he didn't have to. He liked his parents and they took good care of him financially. Additionally, his grandmother's generosity had helped. Enter Cassie. Cassie had been struggling financially since she was 17 and moved out of her parents home. She felt the need to maintain her independence and dig herself into debt, just to "make it" on her own. I didn't do EVERYTHING wrong. I was never late on my rent or my utilities, and I bought both of my cars by paying cash for them (and stayed up to date on my insurance). I just never quite grasped that just because someone offered me a credit card, didn't mean I had to take it. Or use it for that matter. Anyway, I walked into our marriage with about $8000 in debt and I quickly brought him down to my level. When we wanted to get married and didn't have the money for a wedding, we did everything ourselves and put it on the credit card. When he didn't have enough money for his fancy private college, he got student loans. When we didn't have enough money to pay for a new car that I desperately needed, we put a pathetic $500 down and got yet another loan.

Yesterday I was doing the budget for February and it hurt to see the numbers. We DO NOT live an outrageous lifestyle, to say the least. And I have definitely learned a lot about the hows and whys of money. It just makes me so mad at myself for not being smarter earlier. We are not struggling, not even but, we aren't paying off our debts as quickly as I would like. And it is very frustrating to feel as though I'm responsible for getting us into this mess. On the bright side, the budget for has a spot for something like ten different debts (it's the Financial Peace University form) and we only have two now. I love doing the budget, but I just hate money...