Blogiversary... how many years?

I've had this particular web space for five years today. That's longer than I've been married! I've had a marriage, two kids, some graduations, some births, some deaths, and other day-to-day life happenings in those five years. And honestly, before I created this ranting space, I had a different one... a less cool, more ranting one. I've been blogging since I was in high school (over ten years since I graduated, thank you very much) and had AOL and dial-up internet connection. I used to live for writing on my web space, getting all the things off my chest/out of my mind and onto "paper." And obviously, since I've had a marriage, two kids, and so on, I've become less in love with writing or maybe it is simply that I can't afford the time anymore. I'm spending that time doing lots of things that are more important to me, like loving on my babies, chasing my babies, dating my husband... and lots of things that are far less important to me, like cleaning toilets, or diapers, or cooking. I do still love my little space here on the interweb. And I miss sitting with my coffee and writing/reading/surfing. I couldn't let today go by without a post, even if it is mostly nostalgic and scattered. Here's hoping my life will circle back around and become more of my own one day. But for today, I realize that my purpose is this family and I'm content with the necessity of our situation. I love them, way more than I could ever pen here. Happy Blogiversary, friends! Here's to five more years and who knows how many more life happenings. :D

<>< Cass

Alive & Kicking

Yes, as the blog states, we are all alive and kicking! Time for a mini update:

• Lucy will be 3 NEXT MONTH - sometimes it feels like she's always been here but it has only been 3 years. It is crazy how quickly things change.
• Lydia will be 8 months old on Sunday - again, how can this be?! She is a wild woman... crawling everywhere, putting everything in her mouth, making lots of cute baby noises, and making lots of diapers and laundry. But we love her so so much and she really is incredible! I thought that my first pregnancy and baby were awesome, but let me just say, we are 2 for 2 and I'm pretty excited by that. Let's just hope that whenever we try for #3, he/she is just as awesome. :)
• Gary has been working his tail off but he still enjoys his job very much. He and I have been married for four years and together for almost six. Time flies! I honestly have a hard time remembering a lot of the details of my life before him. Here's hoping we have another 80 years together!!
• We have finally found a church we love and feel it is the best fit for our family. I'm a big fan of non-denominational churches because all the rules of the different classifications within Christianity make me crazy!!! That, of course, is for another ranting post. :)
• We are readying our house to put it on the market. The drive to and from Gary's work is ridiculous and since he's planning to be there a while, we have got to move closer. i miss my husband when he's working, but tack on another 10 hours of drive time each week and then I'm just frustrated. I know he can't control traffic, etc- I'm not aggravated with him!
• I'm planning to start teaching Lucy at the Pre-K level in the fall. Instead of buying a curriculum, I'm piecing together my own. I really hope this all works out and that I can learn to teacher in her best learning style. I've gotten a lot of things together already and  definitely enjoy the planning aspect. We shall see!

Life has been busy and I love it this way. I promise to write more soon. I especially want to do a better job of updating about the girls, our home-selling experience, and our homeschooling path.

Bad Mother Award

No one likes to talk about the ways we feel inadequate as parents. No one likes to admit their selfish tendencies (and we all have them on varying levels). No one wants to feel anger, frustration, depression with/because of their kids. But the truth is these are very real elements to parenting too. Everyone's children and experiences are different but I feel like people don't like to be real about the bad as much as they are about the good. And for me, it is hard to be so real because we live in a world that is so obsessed with judging others. I, too, am guilty of this, but that's for a different post. I want to talk about my struggles and be very real with you all. My Lucy makes me crazy nearly as often as she brightens my day. And I attribute part of that to her age (2.5) but mostly, since I'm being honest, it's because I'm fairly selfish. She wants my attention at all times. She wants me to teach her about every thing in sight. She wants to help me with her little sister. She wants to do most everything for herself no matter how long it takes. Or she refuses to do the simplest tasks that are no longer fun. I could go on and on but I feel confident you get the point. But it becomes obvious to be that the real problem here is not her, it is most definitely me. Why is it so hard for me to remember that I signed up for this? And that I want to do it again and again and again and maybe again. I constantly feel guilty for this truth, so your judgement is not needed or appreciated. I want more than anything to love all of my moments with my kids but I continue to mix up my priorities and rush through life and wonder when will I ever get it together. So there's my struggle. Maybe, just maybe, some of you are going to be honest with yourselves and others now because I opened the ugly door of truth. Since not all of us are the same, I bet your struggles are different. So what afflicts you?