where have you been young lady?!

Thankfully, we didn't die or even really get any damage from the tornadoes in our area a few weeks ago. We were unfortunate enough to live on a small street that's power outage was easily overlooked for six days, but we obviously survived that as well. Additionally, the day after our power came back on, my husband's car broke down during rush our traffic in the rain, in the center lane (which made it impossible to get off of said busy road). We've also come through that with a small repair bill. And in the midst of the craziness, I finished school and kept making a baby in my uterus. So we're good, just busy.

I've continued therapy, though the new therapist that I found (and loved) just a few months ago, moved two weeks ago to Asheville, NC. My new new counselor is a nice guy and I feel that we're getting to know each other well enough that I'm nearly ready to spill my guts and get some help. I don't want to be any less than wonderful for my children, so I'm hoping I can get my depression in check and do so as efficiently as possible. Maybe  the hardest part of depression for me is having to admit that I'm not in control of myself anymore, that I can't just make this go away and continue to bury the floods of emotions I have inside of me. There's no maybe about it, I HATE THAT PART. Weakness is not easy for me, I'm not good at being vulnerable and out of control. I grew up believing that I couldn't cry, so everytime I leak, I feel ashamed and angry. Of course, that's exactly what they want me to do, talk about things with emotion, rather than state everything matter-of-factly. I understand why, and I truly want to get well, its just difficult to break a 26 year habit.

Enough about therapy! Well, mostly on a different topic, the depressed me has a hard time motivating for anything that doesn't HAVE to be done. And that's just not the real me at all. I love staying busy and I'm normally very tidy and happy to be. So for entirely too long, I've done what I had to if people were coming over and/or enough to keep myself sane. Since I'm finished with school and have more time to recognize how much this bothers me, I've decided to do something about it. I joined a website called flylady.net way back in August and never did much with it. Essentially she breaks everything down into baby steps to keep people from being overwhelmed and therefore unmotivated. I finally took out my control journal (you'll have to check out their website for an explanation) and have been working on way overdue projects and general house upkeep all week. It has definitely improved my mood and in turn I'm much nicer to my husband. :) I love feeling that I'm getting things done and I love that he noticed before I said a word about it. Maybe I'm on the right track!

Last little tidbit for tonight, we're going to the OB Thursday afternoon to (hopefully) determine the baby's sex. I'll post my pregnancy update by the end of the week! Anyone have any guesses? You all know mine....