Blogiversary... how many years?

I've had this particular web space for five years today. That's longer than I've been married! I've had a marriage, two kids, some graduations, some births, some deaths, and other day-to-day life happenings in those five years. And honestly, before I created this ranting space, I had a different one... a less cool, more ranting one. I've been blogging since I was in high school (over ten years since I graduated, thank you very much) and had AOL and dial-up internet connection. I used to live for writing on my web space, getting all the things off my chest/out of my mind and onto "paper." And obviously, since I've had a marriage, two kids, and so on, I've become less in love with writing or maybe it is simply that I can't afford the time anymore. I'm spending that time doing lots of things that are more important to me, like loving on my babies, chasing my babies, dating my husband... and lots of things that are far less important to me, like cleaning toilets, or diapers, or cooking. I do still love my little space here on the interweb. And I miss sitting with my coffee and writing/reading/surfing. I couldn't let today go by without a post, even if it is mostly nostalgic and scattered. Here's hoping my life will circle back around and become more of my own one day. But for today, I realize that my purpose is this family and I'm content with the necessity of our situation. I love them, way more than I could ever pen here. Happy Blogiversary, friends! Here's to five more years and who knows how many more life happenings. :D

<>< Cass

Alive & Kicking

Yes, as the blog states, we are all alive and kicking! Time for a mini update:

• Lucy will be 3 NEXT MONTH - sometimes it feels like she's always been here but it has only been 3 years. It is crazy how quickly things change.
• Lydia will be 8 months old on Sunday - again, how can this be?! She is a wild woman... crawling everywhere, putting everything in her mouth, making lots of cute baby noises, and making lots of diapers and laundry. But we love her so so much and she really is incredible! I thought that my first pregnancy and baby were awesome, but let me just say, we are 2 for 2 and I'm pretty excited by that. Let's just hope that whenever we try for #3, he/she is just as awesome. :)
• Gary has been working his tail off but he still enjoys his job very much. He and I have been married for four years and together for almost six. Time flies! I honestly have a hard time remembering a lot of the details of my life before him. Here's hoping we have another 80 years together!!
• We have finally found a church we love and feel it is the best fit for our family. I'm a big fan of non-denominational churches because all the rules of the different classifications within Christianity make me crazy!!! That, of course, is for another ranting post. :)
• We are readying our house to put it on the market. The drive to and from Gary's work is ridiculous and since he's planning to be there a while, we have got to move closer. i miss my husband when he's working, but tack on another 10 hours of drive time each week and then I'm just frustrated. I know he can't control traffic, etc- I'm not aggravated with him!
• I'm planning to start teaching Lucy at the Pre-K level in the fall. Instead of buying a curriculum, I'm piecing together my own. I really hope this all works out and that I can learn to teacher in her best learning style. I've gotten a lot of things together already and  definitely enjoy the planning aspect. We shall see!

Life has been busy and I love it this way. I promise to write more soon. I especially want to do a better job of updating about the girls, our home-selling experience, and our homeschooling path.

Bad Mother Award

No one likes to talk about the ways we feel inadequate as parents. No one likes to admit their selfish tendencies (and we all have them on varying levels). No one wants to feel anger, frustration, depression with/because of their kids. But the truth is these are very real elements to parenting too. Everyone's children and experiences are different but I feel like people don't like to be real about the bad as much as they are about the good. And for me, it is hard to be so real because we live in a world that is so obsessed with judging others. I, too, am guilty of this, but that's for a different post. I want to talk about my struggles and be very real with you all. My Lucy makes me crazy nearly as often as she brightens my day. And I attribute part of that to her age (2.5) but mostly, since I'm being honest, it's because I'm fairly selfish. She wants my attention at all times. She wants me to teach her about every thing in sight. She wants to help me with her little sister. She wants to do most everything for herself no matter how long it takes. Or she refuses to do the simplest tasks that are no longer fun. I could go on and on but I feel confident you get the point. But it becomes obvious to be that the real problem here is not her, it is most definitely me. Why is it so hard for me to remember that I signed up for this? And that I want to do it again and again and again and maybe again. I constantly feel guilty for this truth, so your judgement is not needed or appreciated. I want more than anything to love all of my moments with my kids but I continue to mix up my priorities and rush through life and wonder when will I ever get it together. So there's my struggle. Maybe, just maybe, some of you are going to be honest with yourselves and others now because I opened the ugly door of truth. Since not all of us are the same, I bet your struggles are different. So what afflicts you?

back to our regularly scheduled program

We are all alive and well! Lydia joined the world at 7:47am on October 24th at 7lbs. 9oz. and 19 inches long. She looks a great deal like her big sister (and me for that matter) but she has a few things all her own. She was also born with loads of dark hair that has many different shades mixed in to make her look like she's had highlights (just like big sister's) and she has those beautiful blue eyes so far as well. Overall, though they were almost exactly the same size, Lydia is much more petite, with littler hands and feet than Lucy ever had and we can't figure out where she got her tiny mouth/lips and pointed chin. Lydia also has a different temperament. If I thought I was spoiled with Lucy, I'm even more so now. Lydia sleeps, a lot... which I'm not complaining about, just stating the facts. And overall she just seems to be more laid back and go with the flow. So at least she got something from Gary! :) In addition to Lydia spoiling me, I've had such an incredible recovery this time around compared to my last c-section and I am so happy to have such a good report. Today I went in for a 3 week post-op and actually had to ask to be weighed. I was happily surprised to have lost more than I expected -the 5 pounds I gained with Lydia and an additional 25!!! I'm not gloating here people, I have needed to lose weight for a while and this was just a nice jump start to a healthier me. I've also found a great app (thanks to Sara) called MyFitnessPal, which tracks calories and exercise. I highly recommend it! I know I'm probably forgetting something but give me a break, I am a little sleep-deprived, but thankfully only a little. I'll post again soon... as soon as I get back into some sort of normal schedule.

Pregnancy update: Week 38

Pregnancy: 38 weeks, 2 days

Weight Gain: +2 lbs. - I can totally live with that!

Sleep: Yeah right! The bottom line is this baby is way too big not to be lying on something of mine and making me uncomfortable about 80% of the time. But I'm ok with that, because I better get used to not sleeping!

Feeling: So ready, not in the "I can't take this" kind of way, but in the "I can't wait to hold her" kind of way. :) Also, I'm not nearly as nervous this time. Though I know each of my children will be different, I at least feel confident that I can keep her alive and well since Lucy has held on for this long. Haha

Health: Overall I would say I'm feeling good. The random pushing down on my pelvis that she is so fond of isn't very comfortable and neither are the braxton hicks contractions, but they are not terrible enough that I can't deal with them. By the end of the day I'm wiped out, but lots of women with toddlers feel that way, so I'm not feeling defeated by the pregnancy or anything. Swelling is happening in my face, hands, and feet, which is disappointing because my face isn't very slim to begin with but again, I can easily handle it.

Movement: She stretches and wiggles and kicks and dances often throughout the day, and I love it! And thankfully, she likes to hear me and Lucy sing.

Belly Button: barely there!

Cravings: Throughout this pregnancy I've had much more of a sweet-tooth than normal, but nothing over the top. My normal preference in terms of "junk" is something salty, so this is different but has been consistent for most of the nine months. Tonight Extreme Moosetracks sounded fantastic, and thanks to my wonderful husband that can't get enough sweets, we had some on hand.

Next Appointment: Wednesday, October 19th

Additional Notes: At yesterday's ultrasound, we discovered that Lydia is already a chunky monkey. Doc guestimates that she's already what Lucy was when she was born (7lb 10oz) and that if I make it to the 24th, she's easily be an 8.5lb baby. You could literally see her super chubby cheeks on the screen. It was precious! Between those and her tons of hair, I'm even more anxious to see who she looks like when she's born. I tried to get hubby to call his mom to find out how much he weighed, but his memory isn't the best and that's just not something to nag him about. I can't wait to see if there's another me entering the world (poor Lucy can't deny me AT ALL) or if Lydia will resemble her daddy more. Also, doc said that Lydia is very low and he wouldn't be surprised if I go into labor, but he can't predict if it will happen or not. I'm just glad we made it through the 13th without her appearance, because I would hate for her to ever have Friday the 13th as a birthday. I know, I think of the strangest things....

Pregnancy Update: 36 weeks

Pregnancy: 36 weeks, 3 days

Weight Gain: -.5lbs, so it looks like I won't make through this pregnancy with no weight gain, but I'll still be in the negatives once she debuts!

Sleep: I wake up frequently in the evening for two reasons: either I need to switch sides because all of baby has made her way to that hip bone or I have to pee... again. Overall I have been getting to bed earlier and waking up earlier, both with little trouble. And Lucy has opted out on naps, so there's no daytime napping on my behalf either, but it's probably best that way.

Gender: girl

Name: same (Lydia)

Feeling: SO excited and ready to meet her - still feeling really good overall

Health: I'm keeping myself super busy and in turn getting worn down by the end of the day, but I feel healthy and content. And my hands and ankles are fairly swollen by the end of the day, but I'm not surprised with all that I'm still trying to do. My blood pressure today was a little high for me, but doc isn't worried, so neither am I. He said that I am doing great overall and that he thinks my entire pregnancy has been a very healthy one. 

Movement: She has the hiccups much more often than Lucy did and she seems to react to voices more too. She stretches and moves a lot and I love it!

Belly Button: still exists :)

Cravings: no new cravings- I still can't make myself choke down something that doesn't sound great

Next Appointment: doc is out of town next week, so I could see one of his associates or I could just schedule for two weeks, so I elected to do that later and if for any reason I want to be checked, I can just call and be worked in next week - all of that to say Wednesday, October 12th

Additional Notes: My doctor does an ultrasound at every appointment, which I love. During the ultrasound today, he pointed out from multiple angles that Miss Lydia has TONS of hair! You could actually see it on the screen, it was the coolest thing. I just can't wait to see what she looks like and to discover her temperament. Also, I'm still convinced that I'll be having her early, and it is not wishful thinking, just this crazy notion that I can't shake! 

Pregnancy Update: Week 35

Pregnancy: 35 weeks, 3 days

Weight Gain: I gained .5lb in two weeks, so I've lost a total of 1.5 since I found out I was pregnant. This is really encouraging and motivation for a slimmer me once baby girl has arrived. I'm very proud of myself.

Sleep: As always, that would be a hit or miss. Last night, I slept for 9 hours, of course with frequent waking to turn to the other side so that baby girl wasn't laying on one hip for too long. Regardless, I'll take what I can get!

Gender: girl I suppose, doc didn't comment today

Name: same (Lydia)

Feeling: excited, excited, excited! And I've started "feeling" super pregnant, which I guess I am.

Health: I still feel great overall, just getting more worn out by the end of everyday. But that's to be expected when I'm keeping myself as busy as I can stand, so that time flies by. Also, I'm trying to make myself get more exercise overall (just walking and such, not anything strenuous). Today I got a flu shot, which I'm usually quick to decline every other year, but Dr. Brody talked me into it for Lydia's sake, since those antibodies transfer to her. Also, Lydia is already weighing in at 5.5lbs with a big head. :)

Movement: She still moves a lot, but she's getting so big that they aren't quick jabs now as much as her squirming around or reacting to my or Lucy's voice. She seems to love Lucy's songs and laugh because that gets the most reaction these days.

Belly Button: Barely an inny still but Dr. Brody said he doesn't think it will poke out.

Cravings: nothing in particular, most things either sound great or gross and I can't make myself eat something that doesn't sound good

Next Appointment: down to once a week visits now! Thursday, September 29th

shame, shame

Look who didn't even log-in on her blogiversary and make a post... shame, shame. I guess if I think life is busy now, I'm about to have a rude awakening. It's funny, in a masochistic sort of way, that Gary and I acknowledged this weekend we've just reached an era with Lucy, in which we can actually take her along to most events, and we're about to "restart" the time frame of home-bodies again with Lydia. The person this will bother the most is me. I don't care how selfish it sounds, I'm a social person and I like being out and about, doing things with my husband and with our friends. But the bottom line is we haven't been in a place to do that nearly as often as I would like until pretty recently. Lucy is mostly well-behaved and my anxiety-levels about her likelihood for becoming sick, etc, have waned. But here we go with round two in SIX WEEKS! Aside from all of this, I'm far more excited about baby girl #2 arriving and all that entails, than being disappointed in our level of activity dropping off. I have recently (which is a relative term) made some wonderful friends that are in the same place with babies and kids and I love these women! I missed real connection and deep friendships, and I'm basking in those things again. Don't get me wrong, I miss all the wonderful friends that I have spread out around the country, but having someone you can call up when you just want to talk or when you really need to call on someone to physically be there for you, it is wonderful. And because these "new" friends are on the same page, it makes everything more easy and natural and authentic. I feel very blessed, in all areas of my life. :)

Pregnancy Update: Week 33

I'm really not trying to turn this into a pregnancy blog, life has just been crazy and the only time I think to update is when I get home from the OB. I just don't want to forget any of this stuff! Saturday is my four-year blogiversary, so I'll be sure to post something normal then. :D

Pregnancy: 33 weeks, 4 days

Weight Gain: -2lbs! I'm not kidding, I wouldn't make this up. I can't believe it either, because with eating every 3 hours, I definitely feel like I should be gaining. At this point, even if I started gaining, I would still lose weight overall by just having her, which is excellent news in my book.

Sleep: Overall, I shouldn't complain. I've been doing my best to eliminate any and all things that keep me from crashing at night. I have started taking my baths in the a.m. so they don't wake me up at all and I'm doing my best not to nap at all. I've also started getting up earlier again, completely at Lydia's demand, which also helps.

Gender: Dr. Brody scared me today when he said "he" but it was just a slip and she's still all girl!

Name: same (Lydia)

Feeling: nesting (if that's a feeling...), optimistic, excited

Health: I honestly feel great. And if I'm not mistaken, I'm feeling better further into this pregnancy than I did last time. I am finding myself winded more and more, but I'm pretty confident that Lydia's just getting huge and my lungs don't have enough room. :) (At least that's the excuse I'm going with...) Also, thankfully, I haven't been swelling too much yet either. But my belly is getting pretty huge!

Movement: She's still a wild child and she has the hiccups often. I love watching my belly dance!

Belly Button: Barely an inny still!

Cravings: spicy stuff, meaty stuff - I'm glad I stopped wanting cupcakes!

Next Appointment: Thursday, September 22nd

Pregnancy Update: Week 31

Pregnancy: 31 weeks, 4 days

Weight Gain: -1lbs! Woo-hoo! I'm so proud of myself for this one. Baby girl is 4lbs now and I still haven't gained an ounce. Of course, I know weight fluctuates, but I was weighed right after lunch yesterday, so I'm feeling pretty good about it. I would love to gain nothing overall but I'm at least to the point now that I don't see how I can gain too much weight to lose quickly once she's here.

Sleep: Eh, who needs sleep anyway?! Just kidding. Overall, it isn't terrible and still average 6-7 hours a night. The problem is that's the average, which means I'm sleeping 9-10 hours one night and 4 the next. Oh well, I better get used to the 4 or less. I just look at it as my body getting me ready for a newborn again.

Gender: all girl!

Name: Lydia Alexandra, and it's sticking! No name changes here.

Feeling: happy, overwhelmed, ready, not ready, weepy, ecstatic (I would consider myself bi-polar if I didn't have the pregnancy hormones to blame!)

Health: Since my doctor put me in the loop about hypoglycemia, I am doing much better overall. I had a couple of days with low pain/hip pain but I wasn't surprised and other than that, I've been great. I can tell that I'm starting to get winded much easier but let's face the facts, my lungs are being majorly invaded at this point and aren't working at the maximum capacity. :)

Movement: Miss Lydia loves to dance, I may have my hands full with 2 tiny dancers soon! I love that she responds most when I sing and that she gives me a million little nudges a day to remind me that she's there.

Belly Button: still normal but firm - I wonder if this time it will pop out, I guess there isn't too much time left for it to make an appearance though.

Cravings: lemon cupcakes (again), steaks - otherwise, I've been loving lots of things: almonds, smoothies, all kinds of fruit, and peanut butter

Next Appointment: Wednesday, September 7th

intricate

I think that the world that we live in is so complex and so intricately designed. Chance really has nothing to do with it. I can think about each of my relationships and how they have effected me in small ways and big ways... how they've led me ever so delicately (sometimes with a nudge other times with a shove) into meeting someone else and the results are far-reaching in my life. I am a big believer in fate and God's incredible, intricate plan. He pursued me for 19 years. One of my favorite examples: I poured out my heart and soul about the most random of things on my Xanga many, many moons ago and my husband happened a glance at it, I saw that some random guy was looking at my page and happened a glance at his and then messaged him. We later discovered that we attended the same church, but how many times had we passed each other by without a word. We weren't doing it right, so God changed up our plan. I have meet people that have little impact on my life, that then introduce me in passing to another individual that eventually greatly influences it. I just don't believe that chance really exists. I love examining these intricate webs our lives weave. It's just another way for me to feel blessed and looked after, like even if I screw things up, God has some other not-so-obvious way to make things happen anyway. I know this was a fairly broad post, and I'm really not talking about anything specifically, I just like thinking about how people come in and out of your life and the way they shape it. And for that matter, I love knowing that He's loving me in this incredibly unique way. :)

bandwagon

Hubby and I jumped on the bandwagon and recently started reading The Five Love Languages. I realize this book has been around for a number of years, but there's still a bandwagon and so far, I feel that it has a lot of information. Before Dr. Chapman dives into the info about the languages, he addresses some interesting and thought-provoking points. He talks about the "in love" infatuation that happens to most couples in the beginning, which leads them to want to marry in the first place and he talks about how people develop their primary love language. (Side note: I'm special, because I'm bilingual, which can be seen as extra complex or easier to show love to because I "speak" two love languages.) Of course, like any good non-fiction book, I'm examining all this information carefully and thoughtfully. It's interesting to see how my relationship with my parents shaped me and I was a little surprised about my second love language. Also interestingly enough, the "in love" phase only lasts about two years, and then the hard work comes into place. I think that because I had a couple of relationships before Gary that lasted roughly that length of time, I wasn't completely infatuated and blind to his flaws. Yes, once we were married, I found more and I became less tolerate of others, but neither of us walked into marriage expecting the other to be perfect or expecting to always like each other for that matter. I'm kind of proud of us for not being as oblivious as the author says most people are and for knowing before we started this unique journey that no matter what, we would continue to fall in love, true love, forever. I'm sure I'll post more about this book later, because I think it's fascinating.

Pregnancy Update: Week 29

Pregnancy: 29 weeks, 4 days

Weight Gain: I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight, which means I gained 3lbs in 3 weeks but still none overall. I really hope I don't gain a pound a week until she gets here, but even if I do, that's only a total of 12 for the whole pregnancy, which I can live with. And the good news: Dr. Brody estimates her to be about 2.5lbs already, so it's pretty much all baby girl!

Sleep: Some nights I sleep great, but often I have crazy dreams that wake me (not scary, just random or weird) and I'm still having trouble falling asleep a few nights a week, but things aren't terrible and I'm still getting lots of rest overall.

Gender: girl, and she wasn't shy about it on her ultrasound today either

Names: Our lovely little girl will be named Lydia Alexandra, to carry on the alliterative tradition we started with Lucy and in memory of the incredible dearly departed Nana Graves. 

Feeling: happy, anxious, excited, hopeful

Health: The good news is that I passed my 3-hour glucose test with flying colors. For that matter, this pregnancy I am in quite the opposite predicament from my experience with Lucy, I am now hypoglycemic. So, praise the Lord, there is a reason for my fatigue. I was advised that I need to be eating every 2-3 hours to keep myself at a normal blood sugar level, which will also help my overall energy levels. When I was told that my iron levels were great and that I couldn't be anemic, I was still not convinced that the only reason I was so worn out all the time was merely pregnancy and chasing a toddler, so I'm glad to know something else was going on. And this is definitely something I needed to address pregnancy or not, because though I probably overeat to some extend, my biggest weight problem is a SLOW metabolism. I would often not eat breakfast and half the time forget lunch too, so my body is used to being in starvation mode.

Movement: Baby Lydia is much like her big sister and does flips and kicks and all kinds of craziness inside my uterus. Dr. Brody told me to start counting her kicks for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening, to ensure that she's moving enough, he wants 10 at each of these times. Tonight's 10 kicks took baby girl all of 10 minutes to accomplish. She's very strong and mobile. :)

Belly Button: normal but definitely firm

Cravings: A nice random array: One night I wanted a huge bowl of black beans, another afternoon I asked Gary to stop on his way home to buy Lydia some Oreos (because it really is all her :)), and still another evening brought a craving for queso dip, which to be fair, is something that always sounds pretty awesome to me.

Next Appointment: The every-two-weeks-appointments are beginning, so August 25th it is.

making life easier

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my new goal of making my life easier in any way I can. I was finally able to win the baby-name battle (which to be fair, wasn't much of a battle, more of an on-going/entirely too long discussion), and baby girl #2 will be Lydia. I'm happy about it and hubby was a true gentleman about the whole endeavor. And I do not use the word endeavor lightly, it was a real journey trying to find the perfect name. Because even if my new philosophy is to make my life easier, the truth is I am really known for my ridiculous tendencies for making everything harder than it needs to be. Anyway, back to how I'm making life easier.... I've been considering what we'll do for dinners once the new baby is hear and so I set out to find tasty, gluten-free meals that could be made and frozen, to carry us through at least a few weeks of "new baby adjustment." We both got really tired of eating nearly every meal out the last time around and it got expensive fast. So with my pre-planning, I've found this whole new world of cooking once a month and freezing everything, from breakfast to dinner, to be cooked as simply as pulling a frozen pizza out and popping it in the oven. And the best part, THEY ARE ALL GLUTEN-FREE! So my poor husband won't be having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for weeks on end and we won't spend any ungodly amount of money on dinners out. I will admit, at least one night a week, regardless of my menu and planning, we wind up eating left overs or simply going out to make life easier. Unfortunately, this doesn't work with the way we want our budget to, so I always feel terrible about it and get grumpy, not truly making my life any easier at all. So, I'm planning now to adopt this not only for Lydia's arrival, but from now on. Because I want to see how things go, I'm planning to do this at first in two-week intervals instead of any entire month, and I'm hoping everything turns out well. We've already been making smoothies and freezing them, which we've loved, especially with all the wonderful fresh summer fruits. Wish me luck! I really want to make this work and make it a way of life for us and I think I can do it well. Here's to finding more "making life easier" phenomenon!

yah and nah

Yah for my three-hour glucose test, I passed! So even though this pregnancy seems a little more difficult for me than the last, in truth it's been a breeze on paper. :) I'm just so glad that she and I are both healthy and I have less chance of being diabetic later in life. This week we've been pretty confined to the limits of our home. Lucy was diagnosed with strep throat on her birthday (though I'm really not sure how much I believe that when she never acted like she felt bad), so no playdates for us. I miss our friends and it's only been a week! In other news, (the nah) I'm still really struggling to name baby girl #2. I have been stressing myself out about it all and obsessing over every detail that comes along with my decision. I think it has something to do with my depression. Though I've been struggled with depression on some scale for many, many years, becoming a stay-at-home mom and not having work plus one hundred other things on my plate to keep me distracted, has finally made me start to deal with it. And I can't help believing that making decisions of any size or magnitude have become much harder for me. So, I'm pretty sure that while this baby has a name and it will be so obviously perfect once I find it, I'm having major difficulty falling in love with any of them right now. My poor husband, he's loved three different names that I agreed to and eventually backed out on! Thank God he's a patient man and he loves me no matter what. :)

Pregnancy Update: Week 26 & Lucy Turns 2!

You get a double post because I'M JUST TOO LAZY TO MAKE TWO. :)

Pregnancy: 26 weeks, 5 days

Weight Gain: -3 lbs total, still... which is good news for my after the baby body :)

Sleep: I'm still having issues with sleeping well regularly at night. Thankfully, I'm only getting up once to pee! Which I feel with increase in the very near future, but I'll take what I can get for now.

Gender: girl, and a wild woman at that!

Names: Yeah, so about my last post "Audrey for sure," that's not happening. I've always loved that name but once again we aren't going to use it. There are a variety of reasons: it seems to have blown up overnight, it just doesn't feel right, I dislike how close to Aubrey it is, which is another name that has become super popular. Anyway, Gary and I couldn't decide between Lily and Lydia and neither of us is willing to compromise. So, as of today, we're starting back at square two (square two because we DO have a middle name still, haha).

Feeling: I'm very happy and kind of in shock that we have less than three months to go. I'm also anxious because there's still so much to do but I think that once we really pin down a name, I'll be feeling much better.

Health: I had a few more issues this month with my exhaustion and cramping but we're in the clear on both. My numbers are good, with the exception of my one-hour glucose test results. I took the three-hour test yesterday and hope to find out the results tomorrow. I'm really hoping that since I've had no weight gain that indicates no problem this time around, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Movement: This baby is a total mover and shaker. There's really no way to predict when she'll move because I feel like she's constantly playing in there! Of course, caffeine has the biggest effect on her but I'm serious when I say she loves to dance. Also, on the ultrasound Friday she yawned and covered her mouth, it was the cutest thing ever. :)

Belly Button: normal

Cravings: No more dip cravings. I did crave lemon cupcakes for a few days but only gave in once and was pleasantly satiated. Not really any other cravings that I can think of...

Next Appointment: August 12th - My doc wants to see me in three weeks and then to start seeing me every two from that point on. However, I'm thinking that if I am borderline diabetic again, I'll be called in as early as next week to meet the nutritionist. 

And now the Lucy is TWO update:

My baby girl is really very little "baby" anymore. She's gotten so big and so independent and every other cliche you say about blinking and your child being grown! She's very smart (I know, all parents say that) and her memory amazes me. She already recalls things from a month or more ago and constantly surprises me. We had her Ladybug Birthday Party on Saturday and she was showered with love from a large group of our family and friends. And today was her 2-year well-visit with Dr. Tigar. She is 31 lbs. and 34.5 inches tall, so if the saying is correct that they will double their 2-year height, she'll be roughly 5'8 or 5'9. I knew she would be taller than me! There are no words to express how much joy she brings to us and I am so grateful for a happy, healthy toddler.  

it's the simple things for me

I have spent many years of my life in fast forward, unwilling to slow down and truly enjoy things. Fortunately, having a child slowed me down a lot but I really think it's the best thing that could have happened to me. Slowing down and truly enjoying and savoring the simple things in life has become such a treasure to me. I realize I sound cheesy, but I don't care! It's really too bad that my tendency is still to try to do too much or to be in a rush, but thankfully, my children and my husband are working hard to keep me grounded. I love the friendships that I've gained from becoming a mother, the kinship that motherhood has brought to me is incredible. I can't blame Lucy entirely, I know that God has been working on me for years and this is definitely an area that He orchestrates regularly for me, because if I was in charge, I would just mess it all up. :)

too selfish

I've decided that I may be too selfish to have six children. I'm not selfish with possessions, I feel that I'm capable of giving nearly everything, except enough time. It seems weird to acknowledge, but I was fine giving all of my time to Lucy when she was a baby. I just don't know how I'm ever supposed to keep myself sane if my only time without her is from 9pm-7am. And if I have six children, I'm concerned that I will never have any time again. To be fair, I think I'm having a little breakdown because I'm pregnant and spent 11 hours traveling home from vacation yesterday, in which Lucy seemed EXTRA needy/whiny/cranky/mean.... I guess I'll see how I function with Lucy and Audrey before I continue to meltdown. I've always been one to look too far into the future and allow myself to wig out about the unknown... definitely one of my downfalls. But I also wanted to acknowledge that I'm starting to panic about how little Gary is here because of work and my confidence is shaken after the last week with Lucy. Time to regroup and do some deep breathing!

Pregnancy Update - Week 22

Pregnancy: 22 weeks, 4 days

Weight Gain: -3 lbs total (and possibly as a repeat, I didn't gain any with Lucy until I was 6 months, so this is my normal)

Sleep: Fortunately, it has been much easier for me as of late to go to sleep at night. I do still get more exhausted than normal but I attribute that to Lucy's energy. I'm still taking naps a couple of times a week when she does, but overall, I feel like I'm improving in the sleeping area.

Gender: It's still a GIRL! :) I know I mentioned last time that I was a little apprehensive about buying much until I had my next appointment (because my doc does an ultrasound everytime), but I had nothing to worry about. So let the buying begin!!!

Names: Audrey as a first name for sure, but we're still not certain between Alexandra or Cassandra for her middle name. Thankfully, either will commemorate Nana Graves and we have a few months to decide.

Feeling: Since she's moving more and more, things are getting more and more real and I, in turn, am getting more and more excited. I just can't wait to meet her and get to know her personality and temperament. Thankfully, we aren't nearly as nervous this time, because we have gotten our feet wet a little bit. :)

Health: The most annoying of my pregnancy reoccurring themes is leg cramps that wake me up in the middle of the night. I did ask my doc about that today and he suggested that I begin taking a calcium supplement 2x a day, which he feels will take care of the problem. If it does, I'll have the most pregnancy ever, because that's really my only complaint! Otherwise everything is going quite well. I still feel good and all my stats are still great.

Movement: Gary has still yet to feel her moving, but he's seen it from across the room! Like I said before, she's a mover, but she seems to already be on a schedule with her movement, whereas Lucy was just a wild woman all the time. 

Belly Button: normal

Cravings: I'm still craving dips like crazy and I've been loving all kinds of fresh fruit. Otherwise no crazy late night Taco Bell runs or anything.... yet. :D

Next Appointment: July 22nd - This visit will include my glucose test, which I'm hoping does not show that I'm borderline diabetic again. He did ease my fears a little by saying that because I was borderline with Lucy, that does not include me in the 50% of women that develop diabetes later in life as a result of gestational diabetes. Praise the Lord!

vacation is coming

Our family vacation is coming up quickly, YAH! I'm totally a beach/pool bum and will spend as much time sitting by one of those with a book in my hands as I can arrange. That being said, can anyone recommend any good, fun beach reads?