Blogiversary... how many years?

I've had this particular web space for five years today. That's longer than I've been married! I've had a marriage, two kids, some graduations, some births, some deaths, and other day-to-day life happenings in those five years. And honestly, before I created this ranting space, I had a different one... a less cool, more ranting one. I've been blogging since I was in high school (over ten years since I graduated, thank you very much) and had AOL and dial-up internet connection. I used to live for writing on my web space, getting all the things off my chest/out of my mind and onto "paper." And obviously, since I've had a marriage, two kids, and so on, I've become less in love with writing or maybe it is simply that I can't afford the time anymore. I'm spending that time doing lots of things that are more important to me, like loving on my babies, chasing my babies, dating my husband... and lots of things that are far less important to me, like cleaning toilets, or diapers, or cooking. I do still love my little space here on the interweb. And I miss sitting with my coffee and writing/reading/surfing. I couldn't let today go by without a post, even if it is mostly nostalgic and scattered. Here's hoping my life will circle back around and become more of my own one day. But for today, I realize that my purpose is this family and I'm content with the necessity of our situation. I love them, way more than I could ever pen here. Happy Blogiversary, friends! Here's to five more years and who knows how many more life happenings. :D

<>< Cass

Alive & Kicking

Yes, as the blog states, we are all alive and kicking! Time for a mini update:

• Lucy will be 3 NEXT MONTH - sometimes it feels like she's always been here but it has only been 3 years. It is crazy how quickly things change.
• Lydia will be 8 months old on Sunday - again, how can this be?! She is a wild woman... crawling everywhere, putting everything in her mouth, making lots of cute baby noises, and making lots of diapers and laundry. But we love her so so much and she really is incredible! I thought that my first pregnancy and baby were awesome, but let me just say, we are 2 for 2 and I'm pretty excited by that. Let's just hope that whenever we try for #3, he/she is just as awesome. :)
• Gary has been working his tail off but he still enjoys his job very much. He and I have been married for four years and together for almost six. Time flies! I honestly have a hard time remembering a lot of the details of my life before him. Here's hoping we have another 80 years together!!
• We have finally found a church we love and feel it is the best fit for our family. I'm a big fan of non-denominational churches because all the rules of the different classifications within Christianity make me crazy!!! That, of course, is for another ranting post. :)
• We are readying our house to put it on the market. The drive to and from Gary's work is ridiculous and since he's planning to be there a while, we have got to move closer. i miss my husband when he's working, but tack on another 10 hours of drive time each week and then I'm just frustrated. I know he can't control traffic, etc- I'm not aggravated with him!
• I'm planning to start teaching Lucy at the Pre-K level in the fall. Instead of buying a curriculum, I'm piecing together my own. I really hope this all works out and that I can learn to teacher in her best learning style. I've gotten a lot of things together already and  definitely enjoy the planning aspect. We shall see!

Life has been busy and I love it this way. I promise to write more soon. I especially want to do a better job of updating about the girls, our home-selling experience, and our homeschooling path.

Bad Mother Award

No one likes to talk about the ways we feel inadequate as parents. No one likes to admit their selfish tendencies (and we all have them on varying levels). No one wants to feel anger, frustration, depression with/because of their kids. But the truth is these are very real elements to parenting too. Everyone's children and experiences are different but I feel like people don't like to be real about the bad as much as they are about the good. And for me, it is hard to be so real because we live in a world that is so obsessed with judging others. I, too, am guilty of this, but that's for a different post. I want to talk about my struggles and be very real with you all. My Lucy makes me crazy nearly as often as she brightens my day. And I attribute part of that to her age (2.5) but mostly, since I'm being honest, it's because I'm fairly selfish. She wants my attention at all times. She wants me to teach her about every thing in sight. She wants to help me with her little sister. She wants to do most everything for herself no matter how long it takes. Or she refuses to do the simplest tasks that are no longer fun. I could go on and on but I feel confident you get the point. But it becomes obvious to be that the real problem here is not her, it is most definitely me. Why is it so hard for me to remember that I signed up for this? And that I want to do it again and again and again and maybe again. I constantly feel guilty for this truth, so your judgement is not needed or appreciated. I want more than anything to love all of my moments with my kids but I continue to mix up my priorities and rush through life and wonder when will I ever get it together. So there's my struggle. Maybe, just maybe, some of you are going to be honest with yourselves and others now because I opened the ugly door of truth. Since not all of us are the same, I bet your struggles are different. So what afflicts you?

back to our regularly scheduled program

We are all alive and well! Lydia joined the world at 7:47am on October 24th at 7lbs. 9oz. and 19 inches long. She looks a great deal like her big sister (and me for that matter) but she has a few things all her own. She was also born with loads of dark hair that has many different shades mixed in to make her look like she's had highlights (just like big sister's) and she has those beautiful blue eyes so far as well. Overall, though they were almost exactly the same size, Lydia is much more petite, with littler hands and feet than Lucy ever had and we can't figure out where she got her tiny mouth/lips and pointed chin. Lydia also has a different temperament. If I thought I was spoiled with Lucy, I'm even more so now. Lydia sleeps, a lot... which I'm not complaining about, just stating the facts. And overall she just seems to be more laid back and go with the flow. So at least she got something from Gary! :) In addition to Lydia spoiling me, I've had such an incredible recovery this time around compared to my last c-section and I am so happy to have such a good report. Today I went in for a 3 week post-op and actually had to ask to be weighed. I was happily surprised to have lost more than I expected -the 5 pounds I gained with Lydia and an additional 25!!! I'm not gloating here people, I have needed to lose weight for a while and this was just a nice jump start to a healthier me. I've also found a great app (thanks to Sara) called MyFitnessPal, which tracks calories and exercise. I highly recommend it! I know I'm probably forgetting something but give me a break, I am a little sleep-deprived, but thankfully only a little. I'll post again soon... as soon as I get back into some sort of normal schedule.

Pregnancy update: Week 38

Pregnancy: 38 weeks, 2 days

Weight Gain: +2 lbs. - I can totally live with that!

Sleep: Yeah right! The bottom line is this baby is way too big not to be lying on something of mine and making me uncomfortable about 80% of the time. But I'm ok with that, because I better get used to not sleeping!

Feeling: So ready, not in the "I can't take this" kind of way, but in the "I can't wait to hold her" kind of way. :) Also, I'm not nearly as nervous this time. Though I know each of my children will be different, I at least feel confident that I can keep her alive and well since Lucy has held on for this long. Haha

Health: Overall I would say I'm feeling good. The random pushing down on my pelvis that she is so fond of isn't very comfortable and neither are the braxton hicks contractions, but they are not terrible enough that I can't deal with them. By the end of the day I'm wiped out, but lots of women with toddlers feel that way, so I'm not feeling defeated by the pregnancy or anything. Swelling is happening in my face, hands, and feet, which is disappointing because my face isn't very slim to begin with but again, I can easily handle it.

Movement: She stretches and wiggles and kicks and dances often throughout the day, and I love it! And thankfully, she likes to hear me and Lucy sing.

Belly Button: barely there!

Cravings: Throughout this pregnancy I've had much more of a sweet-tooth than normal, but nothing over the top. My normal preference in terms of "junk" is something salty, so this is different but has been consistent for most of the nine months. Tonight Extreme Moosetracks sounded fantastic, and thanks to my wonderful husband that can't get enough sweets, we had some on hand.

Next Appointment: Wednesday, October 19th

Additional Notes: At yesterday's ultrasound, we discovered that Lydia is already a chunky monkey. Doc guestimates that she's already what Lucy was when she was born (7lb 10oz) and that if I make it to the 24th, she's easily be an 8.5lb baby. You could literally see her super chubby cheeks on the screen. It was precious! Between those and her tons of hair, I'm even more anxious to see who she looks like when she's born. I tried to get hubby to call his mom to find out how much he weighed, but his memory isn't the best and that's just not something to nag him about. I can't wait to see if there's another me entering the world (poor Lucy can't deny me AT ALL) or if Lydia will resemble her daddy more. Also, doc said that Lydia is very low and he wouldn't be surprised if I go into labor, but he can't predict if it will happen or not. I'm just glad we made it through the 13th without her appearance, because I would hate for her to ever have Friday the 13th as a birthday. I know, I think of the strangest things....